Sunday, May 19, 2013

On losing weight...

     I am not an expert on weight loss but I can tell you that I have been dealing with being overweight for most of my life minus a few years till I was about 6years old. Around this time my parents got divorced and although I don't remember binge eating or being overly lazy, I gained weight and from then on I have been "chubby" and that my friends, is putting it nicely. 

    The first time I remember trying to lose weight is when I started High School. When it was about being popular and being invited to parties and having a boyfriend. (Was this just me in high school??) Sad but true, that is what at that time motivated me to do something about it. That was short lived but it started that yoyo for going up and down, sometimes I would care and then for what ever reason I just let things be again. When I was  21 I took a trip to New Mexico and when I got back and my friends developed the pictures and I was shocked. My weight had gone a little crazy - I was about a size 16/18 and I don't even remember what I actually weighed but if I had to guess I think I was about 220-230lbs. Again I managed to lose weight get back to what felt normal and again over the years it has snuck back on I've fought it back off a little here and then back up again. 

    What is different about things this time? I don't know where to, family and because I feel like its possible. It's torture but it is possible. I will have to write about my health issues and family in another blog because each of those are important in too many ways that they would take up there own space. 

    Now I want to talk about that crazy thing called weight. It drives you nuts and it is dependent on so many things. How much water you drink, how much salt you eat, what time of the month it is and is it a full moon out!? You decide to go on a diet and you buy a scale and you jump on it one day - Hurray!! - find out that you lost two pounds! Sweet! The weekend is here you have your free day and then a few days later you get back on the scale and you've gained three pounds! It's a vicious cycle. Some days you want curse your scale and others you want to clean it and make it look new again because its so super awesome. Ever been there? 

    Here is where I'm at today - I've only lost 23 pounds and its been hard. The first place I started losing weight was in my fingers, yes my fingers. I kept telling my friends "I'm going to be the chubby girl with skinny fingers what the heck?!!" I have even lost weight in places no girl ever want to lose weight in. My feet have lost weight, yes the chubby feet you see in the pictures when I weigh in, they were chubbier! But it's ok at least I know, me as a whole is losing the weight somewhere somehow. 

    There weeks that scale does not move, and when I feel fat and like I'm twenty pounds heavier again someone will ask me or say "have you lost weight??" "Wow you look good keep it up!"  Some days I run a few seconds faster or maybe a quarter mile longer. And that's how I'll make it another day.Little by little I stay on track or get back on track because I'm not perfect and there are times when I am waaaaay off track. So far I run three times a week and have not missed one yet. But I can't say that there aren't days when I slow down or cut my three miles short. It sounds like I'm a recovering addict of some sort, right? I just think that to make something into a lifestyle and not just another random diet it takes a lot of work, it took me some 27 years to be overweight - I don't know if there will ever be a time when I'm not. Even more so I don't know if there will ever be a time when I don't feel like I am. 

    You have to take responsibility for how you eat, make changes and find something that works for you. I do better when I count calories others find it easier to follow a plan or eat cleaner. It's amazing to me how many calories are in everyday things I would never bat an eye at. You've heard the term that muscle weighs more than fat and I feel that's true, for a almost a month I didn't see that wonderful scale move but by the end of the month I fit into jeans that didn't fit before. During that same month more people noticed my weight loss than before. Some times you have to ask the scale to forgive you but you just can't visit with it every day. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you really want to make a change then you have to be determined because even when you don't feel like it, when you don't see a change, when you feel fat or when the scale does not move - well you keep at and when you least expect it things change and the scale finally moves - down in the right direction

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