Miles Miles and More Miles

This is the third week of my training plan for running the Chevron Houston Marathon, let me tell you it’s been interesting. The first week “sore” was an understatement when I finally had a cross training day I realized very quickly how important it really is. I decided to get on the stationary bike and I did some exercises on the big ole’ exercise ball and I felt so much better getting a chance to stretch out and wake up all my other muscles.

I dislike hate running in the sun and heat is my kryptonite, so even though I’ve claimed to dislike the treadmill I decided to go that route instead. Turns out I can at least feel cooler inside at the gym with the fan blowing at me and not melt. I have to make the treadmill interesting, so I take it a ¼ mile at a time, then a mile at a time and then 2 miles at a time. In each quarter mile I set my pace and increase it little by little and then start all over, at a mile I check my time and then try to improve it the next mile. Finally I’ll break at two miles reset the treadmill and try to improve all of it all over again. I know this sounds like a lot but let me tell you the treadmill.is.boring. very very boring.

I know if I attempted to go out in the heat I would throw in the towel I know myself and I know I would give up long before I hit 5 or 6 miles. So the treadmill has been my better than nothing go to. I pray for cooler weather, for an over cast sky and even for a little sprinkle but while the temps still hit 90 degrees plus and Mr. Sun insist on shining bright I’ll head inside and battle it out on the treadmill.

On the 19^th I ran the Kemah’s Toughest 10K and it was warmer than I would liked and this past weekend I did the B.I.G Love 5K fun run and by the time we got going 8:30am I was feeling a little hot too but each run was done and great - I’ll fill you in on those later :)

For now I’m adding on the miles and keeping my eye on the goal.  I had this fantasy that when I would increase the miles that my pounds would start melting off. Of course this is yet to happen. I am going to be the bigger person here (haha!) and understand that running more mile does not equal losing weight. This crazy thing happens when you go for a longer run – you get hungry like hangry kind of hungry and I might be guilty of feeling like if I just ran 6 miles then a bacon cheese burger should be my lunch. SO I am adjusting and planning my nutrition better and I am hoping to see better results within the next few weeks. I pray to the weight loss god’s that if they could please hurry up, the next bridge run is on Oct. 17^th and I’d really like to carry the least amount of lb’s up the Galveston causeway. Please and Thank you in advance!! 

The Bandwagon

I have been on the brink of posting this blog a few times in the past couple of weeks. I’ve deleted it revised it and started from scratch. Mostly because it’s a controversial topic, that has been on my mind lately. I was going to title this one “Mission at Hand” or even “Forward Motion” but even as I am typing this I am not sure what I want to title it.

As I sit here right now I just finished nibbling on a piece of chocolate, I am about to eat my grapefruit and I just refilled my water cup. All of this sums me up in a nutshell. If you know me you understand right off the back…

Two years ago I was on medication for being a border lined Diabetic, when I started the mission to change that, I stopped drinking sugary drinks, actually I only drink water now. Occasionally I might have a coke- as in I’ve had one coke so far this year. The grapefruit it’s my breakfast these days, as I’ve started to “watch” my calorie intake because I am on the mission to lose a few more lbs. (I’ll cover more on that later) and my little piece of chocolate because I can’t say no to chocolate. :) There is something in my being that is just enamored with chocolate it runs in my family and if you had any sense you would never say no to a good piece of chocolate, real thick frothy hot chocolate on a cold day, a good piece of chocolate cake or an amazing chocolate chip cookie. I know what you are thinking; the chocolate just threw a wrench in the whole healthy thing. To me it didn't, it’s just part of my daily struggle and some days it’s a walk in the park others the struggle is real and other days when the clean eating and healthy wagon gets in the cross roads with really good food that was baked or fried and makes you lick your fingers… I’ll push you off the wagon right along with me.

I'd have to think that chocolate still taste better.

About a year ago I was having a conversation with a beautiful thin good looking woman and somehow the word “brownie” was mentioned and she said “oh brownie…I haven’t had one of those in like five years”. I walked away a bit shocked. I went to my best friend’s house that night and I said “why would anyone ever do that to themselves? And my bestie answered “Girl, I don’t know – that’s just crazy!”

Alllllllll of this because of blogs or articles or even meme’s that are fighting the “being fat is greatness” or “being skinny is the bomb.com” I hate seeing both of these and even more I dislike people getting behind one bandwagon or the other like it’s a blanket for every fat person or every thin person.  Every person out there is different - NOT one of us has the same health issues, self-esteem, emotions of anxiety, confidence, etc...  – Not all of us love our selves like we should.  

I feel like I have always loved my self even at my heaviest – I may not have been happy with my self at my heaviest but I loved my self, none the less. Does that make sense? This is why at my heaviest when I looked at the picture that made my jaw drop and something click – A picture that we took on our trip to Angle Fire New Mexico where my size 16 (almost size 18) self was bundled up in layers of warm clothes and jackets smiling alongside my friends and I didn’t recognized who that was staring back at me… the inside me didn’t match the outside me.

I am happy right now being a size 10(ish), I have found a happy place running and exercising, the friends that surround me right now and my family are great and encouraging. I am in love with something else now too (other than chocolate) my body. I am strong! I can run! I can do stuff I never thought I could do! I am training to do a pull up right now - don’t laugh! I just happen to have most of my weight on my bottom half and it makes for a complicated pull-up!! BUT I want to do more!! Here are two bucket list items for you – I want to go rock climbing and I want to go paddle boarding.  Have you ever done either of those?? Teach me!

Where was I going with this… if being overweight is standing in your way from being, happy, healthy and able – well don’t stand behind the “fat is awesome” front runner. Is being skinny causing you to be unhealthy (eating disorders), obsessive and unhappy – get out of that line too! Find your happy place!! One blogger wrote “Happiness does not require thinness. Fatness does not presume sadness.” But what does it do for you?

So why do I want to lose a few more lbs, because I want to. Really because I’d like to run a marathon at least one in my “Running in Faith” life time and after running the half back in January I know for certain that I need to lose a few more pounds – it will not be etched in stone that when I lose that weight, that it won’t find its way back (LOL) but I know I’ll run a better and stronger marathon by doing this. I am okay with that. I am a girl, I still look in the mirror and don’t like the lumps and bulge I see sometimes but you know what I’m okay with that too. As a girl I am prone to seeing imperfections in myself all the time but I refuse to obsess over them and by God I will not let that keep me from eating a brownie!! Especially the cheese cake brownie one of my co-workers shared with me yesterday. 

Stress Points

Running is my hash it out with myself time, my hash it out with my mind and crazy thoughts – time.  Running has become something I need to do, not just what I want to do. Yes I want to run, for my health to help me lose weight, I want to run because of what running has enabled me to do, the places it takes me {literally} and who it has shaped me to be over the past year.

I need to run. I have always wanted to run but I was too out of shape to run, I haven’t been always very overweight, even when I was of the lighter fare, I wanted to run. If you know me from years back, especially my teenage years, you know that I can at times, maybe, possibly have a bit of a temper on me. {Insert Jokes Here: Haha} I have been a little bit more calm in the past few years, yes this what I call clam :) . It takes a lot more to get me to the point of wanting to snap someone’s head off (so to speak), or sometimes just one really BIG stupid thing, sometimes. Anyway, I remember getting angry when I was younger and just leaving, just running till I lost my breath, and then I’d walk until I was ready to head back. Crazy isn’t it?

Years later, also known as today I started running because it was a last ditch effort chance for me to do something about my health and weight. It’s worked, weight has been lost and health has improved greatly, but there has been so much more to it than that. I am more comfortable with my self today than in a very long time, I feel like I can take on so much more life than I could before. AND on days when it feels like everything has gone wrong or in a period of time when things are just not panning out, a run makes the difference. I can breathe easier after run, my thoughts are more clear and there is something about conquering a long run in the heat of summer that make me feel invincible.

I’ve had a couple of stressful weeks here and there as of late, nothing too bad, but again for me (and my ahem temper), and being a mom of a senior (gulp) and a spunky 4 year old (going on sassy-teen) and the whole household thing this momma needs a run. I need to pound the pavement, I need to be out there when the sun is breaking through that Texas sky and I need to be out there and get drenched in sweat. Still sounds crazy hu? It’s not, but it is cheaper than therapy :) or so I’ve heard!

A dose of Good News...

Have you enjoyed my journey so far? These past 10 months have been a time to rediscover my life as it could be and should be. I still see myself from time to time in a light that is not so much flattering but that’s okay. I still look in the mirror some days and point out what is wrong instead of realizing everything that is right. I am okay with this, don’t worry I’ll explain, we live in a world where the idea of perfection and beautiful are skewed and twisted out of whack entirely. The truth is that ~I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ~ See I have always felt “okay with myself” running never came from disliking my appearance, it came from wanting to make a change, a change that would have a direct correlation with my family, my children and my health.

Yes, I will do a little dance when I drop in weight and when I fit in a smaller size, I am (after all) woman hear me ROAR, NAG, COMPLAIN, GRIPE, NAG, ECT.! Even more so I am HUMAN. I also have worked hard to get where I am and I will celebrate when I see all that hard work making a change in a tangible way.

At one point or another I have mentioned that I have health concerns with my weight, I’ve said I would elaborate and I never did. Truth is I am scared of an eight letter word that is closely associated with my family, more so my mother’s side of the family. Diabetes(Type 2). About 5 years ago I was diagnosed as being a pre-diabetic; I know that to many people it may not be a very scary word but to me it is. I know and have family and friends that have been majorly affected by this, and it blows my mind. My mother was diagnosed with diabetes about ten years ago, she vowed to beat it somehow, she went to classes and quickly understood that she could change her diet and life style and possibly one day no longer be a diabetic. Now I don’t know the ends and outs of diabetes BUT I will say that once you are a diabetic I don’t believe it’s easy to overcome it. I have seen my mother make changes, I have seen her take care of herself more than ever  by staying physically active and making better decisions when eating, she watches her weight and has brought her sugar level way down, so much so that her doctor has mentioned she maybe could be taken off her medication.

Family History. When my mother was diagnosed I quickly realized that not only was she a diabetic but so were almost all of her siblings! Some of them taking huge doses of medication and insulin shots...hum I'm not fond of shots. Many stories of people who have lost their sight or had issues with their feet, toes and legs. So about five years ago when I first thought to myself that I might be headed that way, all kinds of flashing lights and sirens went off! There I was 29 years old and there was a chance that maybe my own health was keeping me from getting pregnant… I remember that sinking feeling that I was headed the wrong way. There was no doctor at this point just me and my gut feeling, that moment a set of events took place that I will forever look back on as an affirmation that I have some control over this and what I do will have a direct effect on my health and my children. I started to exercise again without instruction from anyone but as a form of my own experiment! I ate better and worked out and lost some weight, about three months later I was pregnant.

PHEW!? No, not quite, at my checkup I spoke the words I was afraid to say, I told the doctor I thought my sugar might be high. At this time the results came back elevated but not so high that I would be have gestational diabetes, but oh boy did they watch my sugar like a hawk. AND I got to moving and eating better, throughout my 9 month pregnancy I lost weight, my little boo was healthy and so was I. I read books about pregnancy because I wanted a natural birth, and with many mid-wives (insurance) not willing to take on a patient with diabetes I realized there was a lot to be done on my part. I read once that preparing yourself for a natural birth is a lot like training to run a marathon, you don’t just get up one day and say you’re going to run a marathon, you train and prepare. Mega WOW, for me now as I prepare to run my first half marathon.  My pregnancy went great and my delivery was just as perfect as anything I could have asked for, I wish I could tell you that was the end of it… but it wasn't, by the time my next checkup came along I was diagnosed as a pre-diabetic. The past four years has been a constant up and down of weight and numbers. Two years ago I lost weight, I was in the 170’s and my “numbers” were still high, I must have been discouraged because slowly the weight came back on last year I went in and my cholesterol was high too at that time I weighed in the 180’s by January I was 196, I had a lot to lose and more to gain than ever – so I started to run- really I started to walk, slowly I started to run.

My checkup was about two weeks ago, I was nervous to say the least, then I had to wait for results to come in and last Friday I had a sit down talk with my doctor. My results? GREAT. All numbers are down, I am NO longer pre-diabetic {happy dance inserted here} I am off my medication and my cholesterol and my lipids are normal. Again I don't know everything there is to know about diabetes  I don't know that I've beat it forever but I know now that I've have delayed it - hopefully for many many years. How about that running... for me personally it means so much - but I will save that for another day ;)

Aramco - Florida??? Here I come!!

You are probably wondering what the heck is going on! Why I haven’t update this thing, after everything that just happen yesterday?! Yes, well the answer is that I have vacation brain going on… I am packing, washing, cleaning, and then packing some more. I will end up taking half my closet and half my pantry with me and most of my bathroom stuff with me too. This is getting crazy!! Oh and I’m losing sleep because of it too, my brain in running on over drive thinking about what I’m missing and what I might forget. SO! With that said I have to tell you the big news :

it's official!

6 months ago I did not think it was possible to run for a mile straight and even though it hasn’t been easy, with every mile added it’s always a new experience. The idea to put the goal out there to run a Half Marathon was inspired by simply running 3 miles! Crazy but that feeling of accomplishment and conquering a goal that you first believed to be unattainable makes you feel undefeatable! You really do feel like you’re awesome and I felt like I had done the impossible AND at that moment I felt like if I could run 3 miles then I MUST be able to run 13 miles. I mean it’s sorta the same thing right? Give or take ten miles!!  So, the girls and I decided that we should do the Aramco Half Marathon, that is until we realized that we couldn’t just sign up and be done with it. We needed to qualify. None of us had the required races done to qualify – plus at this point I do not have the miles or speed to qualify. We were left with entering the lottery, then started the thoughts of hoping I was picked along with being scared that I might get picked!!  Monday morning it was laid out for us very easily… all three of us (Cindy, Alma and I) were selected!!!  There were many emails and even a few squeals of excitement and lots of Facebook comments that confirmed what is waiting for us in January 2014 -  13.1 miles and lots of training in-between!

I am happier than ever that I can share this with you because let me tell you, whatever roller coaster I strapped myself into at the beginning of January is about to get wild and crazy. I am going into territory that I didn’t even know existed!! I promise I will fill you in with all the good and ugly details as they come about, in the meantime I’m heading to Florida in a couple of short days technically today is almost over and therefore there is only one more day before I leave!!   This trip is already showing to be a challenge because I (ALREADY!) know it’s gonna be hard to get my runs in and eating will very easily be off the charts. Wish me luck!!

This has kinda side tracked me a little but I do have a picture of my weigh-in form last Friday –

maybe one day my feet will look skinny?

Mr. Scale and I are on good terms once again – I out of the 170’s!!!!!! Can you see why I am scared of this trip?! I hope it does not set me back too much; it has taken so much work to get here to begin with! I am only two pounds from getting to my first goal of 30lbs, dang it so close I can almost touch it!! I might do another weigh-in on Thursday before we head out! Maybe.

I had another post already to go for you and then the lottery results came in and wrecked it! LOL I will hopefully throw in an extra post when I’m on the road :)

On losing weight...

     I am not an expert on weight loss but I can tell you that I have been dealing with being overweight for most of my life minus a few years till I was about 6years old. Around this time my parents got divorced and although I don't remember binge eating or being overly lazy, I gained weight and from then on I have been "chubby" and that my friends, is putting it nicely. 

    The first time I remember trying to lose weight is when I started High School. When it was about being popular and being invited to parties and having a boyfriend. (Was this just me in high school??) Sad but true, that is what at that time motivated me to do something about it. That was short lived but it started that yoyo for going up and down, sometimes I would care and then for what ever reason I just let things be again. When I was  21 I took a trip to New Mexico and when I got back and my friends developed the pictures and I was shocked. My weight had gone a little crazy - I was about a size 16/18 and I don't even remember what I actually weighed but if I had to guess I think I was about 220-230lbs. Again I managed to lose weight get back to what felt normal and again over the years it has snuck back on I've fought it back off a little here and then back up again. 

    What is different about things this time? I don't know where to start...health, family and because I feel like its possible. It's torture but it is possible. I will have to write about my health issues and family in another blog because each of those are important in too many ways that they would take up there own space. 

    Now I want to talk about that crazy thing called weight. It drives you nuts and it is dependent on so many things. How much water you drink, how much salt you eat, what time of the month it is and is it a full moon out!? You decide to go on a diet and you buy a scale and you jump on it one day - Hurray!! - find out that you lost two pounds! Sweet! The weekend is here you have your free day and then a few days later you get back on the scale and you've gained three pounds! It's a vicious cycle. Some days you want curse your scale and others you want to clean it and make it look new again because its so super awesome. Ever been there? 

    Here is where I'm at today - I've only lost 23 pounds and its been hard. The first place I started losing weight was in my fingers, yes my fingers. I kept telling my friends "I'm going to be the chubby girl with skinny fingers what the heck?!!" I have even lost weight in places no girl ever want to lose weight in. My feet have lost weight, yes the chubby feet you see in the pictures when I weigh in, they were chubbier! But it's ok at least I know, me as a whole is losing the weight somewhere somehow. 

    There weeks that scale does not move, and when I feel fat and like I'm twenty pounds heavier again someone will ask me or say "have you lost weight??" "Wow you look good keep it up!"  Some days I run a few seconds faster or maybe a quarter mile longer. And that's how I'll make it another day.Little by little I stay on track or get back on track because I'm not perfect and there are times when I am waaaaay off track. So far I run three times a week and have not missed one yet. But I can't say that there aren't days when I slow down or cut my three miles short. It sounds like I'm a recovering addict of some sort, right? I just think that to make something into a lifestyle and not just another random diet it takes a lot of work, it took me some 27 years to be overweight - I don't know if there will ever be a time when I'm not. Even more so I don't know if there will ever be a time when I don't feel like I am. 

    You have to take responsibility for how you eat, make changes and find something that works for you. I do better when I count calories others find it easier to follow a plan or eat cleaner. It's amazing to me how many calories are in everyday things I would never bat an eye at. You've heard the term that muscle weighs more than fat and I feel that's true, for a almost a month I didn't see that wonderful scale move but by the end of the month I fit into jeans that didn't fit before. During that same month more people noticed my weight loss than before. Some times you have to ask the scale to forgive you but you just can't visit with it every day. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you really want to make a change then you have to be determined because even when you don't feel like it, when you don't see a change, when you feel fat or when the scale does not move - well you keep at and when you least expect it things change and the scale finally moves - down in the right direction. 

Recap and then some...

   Here is a recap from last week’s runs, this past week was by far much easier and I think I have slowly improved my time some. I promised I would weigh in and I did …



Officially 26lbs down!

  There wasn’t a change in my weight really, about 1.6 pounds, but on the flip side of that even though the scale did not move much I can tell that there were changes. I was able to get into a pair of jeans I hadn’t been able to squeeze into in almost 7 years! I promise I tried to put them on a month ago and it was a negative! Therefor I was totally excited, later over the weekend I decided that maybe another pair I had stashed away might fit too – they did make it past the hips and I could button them! HA! They were still a little tight for comfort but I was still impressed. I apologized to my scale and made friends with it again after all the foul things I called before. It goes to show you that it is not all about the scale all the time.

  On another note, when I run during the week I normally go right before I pick up Hailey from daycare and on my cool down I pick flowers for her. It’s pretty cool because it makes her day!  She always (always) ask me where I got them from, I tell her I pick them at the track where I run, and she is always asking to see the track. This Friday I decided that I would take her for a walk there, she loved it and she picked and picked flowers for her daddy.  We had to take two rest stops and a couple of fairy tales to get all the way around but we made it!! I was so sure I would have a mellow little monkey after that and I sooo thought my evening would be nice and relaxing – wrong! It just fueled that crazy girl of mine she was so full of energy the rest of the night!! I guess exercise does increase your energy?!

 

This week I have a 5K on Wednesday and I’m really looking forward to it. I can’t wait to get an official time on my run and see how much I have improved my PR time. I’m also excited about this run because it is for a good cause, the funds go to the Snowdrop Foundation. Honestly when I first started this I thought I could be going to a gym and pay them $25 dollars or more a month or I can try this running thing and I can sign up for a 5K a month and that money can go to help out an organization that supports a great cause.  This one in particular holds a special place in the heart of my boss and seeing him so involved has only led me to feel very blessed to be a part of something so awesome! Therefor I will promise to post something right after the race to keep you posted! Hehe can’t wait!!